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Bad English moment of the day:

"Desired features of a robotic system for medical application ... Should be the following:

Blah blah blah.

- Reliability, that this fail safe features during its operation, especially close to singularities."

While I agree that safe functioning near a black hole is a useful quality to have, I think there are more pressing concerns with this theoretical device at the moment.
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never never give up on love.
thatapos;s what i know. Thatapos;s what iapos;m doing.

of course it isnapos;t over.�i was a fool to think it could be.
thank you God, for proving me wrong and for second chances.
thanksgiving canapos;t come soon enough.� please let this wait be worth it.
i would wait forever.


patience is key.

i love the way he calls it "making love."
i want to relive that night forever.� but i know future nights will be better.
absolute faith.




baby, you blow me away.
i donapos;t know why.
thereapos;s just something about you.
so what if we donapos;t have anything in common?
you complement me. You pick up where i leave off.� you succeed where i fail. You worry where iapos;m certain and are certain where i worry.� when iapos;m down you lift me up. When iapos;m scared you assure me.� i may not always know what iapos;m thinking or be able to put it into words, but i hope you can tell that youapos;re everything to me.� you teach me to cook and iapos;ll teach you to dance.� you do the math and iapos;ll write the papers.� you walk with a limp and iapos;ll walk with grace.��teach me to be passionate about politics, to be open to�new ideas.� you be negative, iapos;ll be�positive.� � show me whatapos;s so cool about superheroes and comic books.� i want to learn.� i want to know.� i want to learn you inside out.� iapos;m fascinated by you, iapos;m amazed by you, iapos;m frustrated and challenged by you.� and i wouldnapos;t want it any other way. thatapos;s what loveapos;s all about.

a few days. I canapos;t wait.





















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Yesterday was the big, big, very long, exciting�day�at the Harvest Faire. We all had a great time. There were games for Lucas and Asher (more for Lucas), a puppet play, a funny father-son juggling act, desserts to nibble, arrows to shoot, and plenty of things to buy. I wanted to arrive early so I�could check out all the items in the Country Store to get other ideas for future years. Our horse toys didnapos;t move as quickly as I had hoped, but they were among the more expensive items in the store. I think perhaps they were eyed during the day and then swooped up at the end, perhaps when prices were slashed. Ah well. Iapos;m still glad we made them. The gnome and mushroom sold really early in the day; in fact I was there when a woman bought them for $15. It was thrilling, but I donapos;t quite know why.

Normally�I enjoy all the independent vendors and their wares. Certainly there were many, many useful and beautiful things for sale that I�would enjoy having or giving as gifts. But I found myself wandering around and wondering, could I make that? Sometimes the answer I felt was yes, and that was unusual. It changed the way I�looked at items and their prices. It did not diminish my appreciation for artistry, only my willingness to spend more money that day. I guess in part I was feeling tapped by our investment in materials for the things and time we donated.

My mother arrived and bought some used books and a late birthday present for me, a freshwater pearl necklace I was coveting but unwilling to purchase for myself.�We wandered through the farm together and visited the animals. We saw lots of friends there, but were so busy chasing kids around that it was kind of hard to catch up with people and talk.

Lucas drove�Ian bananas with all his�demands: "Dad Dada Dad I�want ... I want ... Go here. Do this," etc. He kind of feels like he owns the campus already, which is funny. Iapos;m glad he is so comfortable there. Asher enjoyed wandering around, going anywhere he liked. We took turns�trailing after him. �He picked up a new word, "Peep" (What the baby chicks say.)

At the end of the day, I had to work in the Childrenapos;s Store. It was pretty well picked clean by the time I arrived, but was practically barren by the end of my shift at�closing time. I think it was a success. The kids seemed to like it. The room, however nicely decorated and magical, was stiflingly hot and claustrophobic. But, at least I was working alongside some of my friends. Lots of bodies in�that small, dark, hot spacemdash;I ended the day with a headache, a need for a drink and some carbs.

So, all in all, it was a success, I�think. I�look forward to hearing how much money the school received because of the event.

And, well, today is dedicated to editing strategy guides and trying to land a new client. It looks like I have a busy work week ahead of me. Which is good. Iapos;m glad to have it.




�

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Anti-Christ a Singular Person?

������������ In the bible it says that the anti-Christ will be the true spawn of Satan, who will take control of the throne of Earth and reign over all dominions and its people for the next ten thousand years.�Which sounds all and well, if you like all that Apocalypse jazz, but I donrsquo;t think that the devil would be, dare I say, stupid enough to put all his evil and hate for Gods most favourite creations, the beings that He favoured above that of the angels, the angels that Satan was a part of, in to one vessel.�In his infinite cruelty I do not believe that he would, dissuade our pain by giving us a relatively quick death; it is, after all, our fault that he, Mourning Star, fell from Godrsquo;s grace and was cast out of heaven, thus becoming Satan.�I hold true that he, in his infinite guile, would not have one anti-Christ ldquo;childrdquo;; I think that he, Satan, would instead realize that it would be much more torturous to us, and through us, painful to God, a death drawn out over our entire existence.�The Devil would take this anti-Christ and break ldquo;himrdquo; in to seven billion pieces and give each and every man, women, and child on earth a little piece.�He would like to have the instant gratification of being responsible for our demise, but he kills us all and then what, he spends the rest of eternity, just him and God, not saying damn word; instead he simply gives us the means to destroy ourselves and continue destroying ourselves, and watches us do so.

����������� You may not choose to believe it, but the Devil fights for our safety and well being, he doesnrsquo;t want us to just destroy ourselves, he wants us to produce a seed, and then destroy ourselves.�If we destroyed ourselves without leaving an heir then he would be out of business, and right back to that awkward silence with God for all time, he wants us to destroy ourselves for all eternity, that is what will hurt us, and God, the most.�The Devil does not wish us, gods favourite of creations, to end, he wants us to live forever.�Die forever.

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Only one image lingers from last nightapos;s dream. . .

I am sitting in the prow of my dadapos;s 8apos; fiberglass boat, the one he owned for decades and which was a constant feature of our familyapos;s summer excursions. We are in the waters of Puget Sound, near my sacred island. Dad is in the back, his hand on the controls of the outboard motor. Weapos;re racing across the water, bouncing over the waves.

It is an image from my life, one repeated many times over the years, one of the special bonding activities my dad and I shared. On the water.

I remember the last time we did this in life, the last time the family went to the island for a vacation. I remember how it felt to be racing both across and with the water, the delight in the bouncing up and down with the wind in my face. It was a sensation of pure joy.

My subconscious seems to be settling down and getting with the program.

My subconscious is reminding me that I have been doing my father the same disservice I have been doing myself in characterizing him primarily as ruler of Swords. He is a life-long fisherman, a life-long boater, a man of deep and intense feeling, even though he has often kept it hidden by the rules of discretion that govern men of his class and generation.

My father is also a man of Water.

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Totally a reference to Grease... Yeah, I really miss it. *siiiggghhh*

This also has something to do with Something. >_< Iapos;m going to keep referring to him as Something until I get brave enough to go ahead and just say whatapos;s going on. Ah, whatever. Something says that he loves me... And I have no idea what to reply. Haha itapos;s almost awkward. XD

Iapos;M SO HAPPY THOUGH~~ Iapos;m in the newspaper staff at school, and since I suck at writing, one of my friends talked to the head photographer about me maybe becoming part of the photography staff. Sooo today, the head photographer Emily called me over and was like, "Sooo you wanna be a photographer?" I was like, "Well yes... Please." She kinda had a :I face and said, "Wellll Ashlee spoke highly of you, so I guess you can ask Quintein to train you." I was kinda bummed that she didnapos;t seem interested at all, but I got over that really fast I went over to Quintein - he was on his Mac, photoshopping some picture - and asked him if he could show me how to shoot. Soooo he took me outside with one of the cameras (there are only four) and gave me a quick lesson on how to adjust settings on the camera to take god outdoor pictures. I caught on pretty well, I think... He left me to take pictures on my own to practice and said that when I finished, I just had to show him the pictures to see how they were. I walked around the area for a while, taking pictures that Iapos;d normally take with say, my own camera. So after about ten minutes, I went back in and handed him the camera. The first picture on the display mode was one of a tree right outside the class and the very first thing he said was, "Wow, this is actually pretty good"

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I WAS Well I guess you do now... XD

Soooo Quintein told me that next time class met, heapos;d teach the other photo-newbies how to take good indoor pictures. UGH Iapos;M SO GLAD I JOINED JOURNALISM~

Ahh, Iapos;m in a good mood... My lips are chapped though, so thatapos;s a downside. XD

Talk atcha lay-turr,
Ash

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The end of the relationship....not as hard as I had pictured, but little things still surprise me. Packing up Maggieapos;s bed and blankets and toys...carefully folding the small quilts we bought the day we adopted her. Separating the pets hits home a little too hard, and knowledge of losing more than one companion throbs just below the surface.

Did a lot of sorting and organizing on my own today. Finding more and more things of his, making piles and filling luggage. Checking in the dusty corners and closets of my life, looking for ghosts to clean out.

As far as the move to Florida, itapos;s on. Things have been put into motion, landlords have been called, arrangements are being made.

This town always looks like it just got a fresh coat of paint once you realize youapos;re leaving. Some of the weight has lifted off of my chest in the past couple of days, and I feel less like Iapos;m drowning and more like Iapos;m finally moving forward. It will be difficult, being alone so much, but there are perks. I know there are.

And in the end, I have no regrets. I loved him with all my heart and supported him with all of my strength...and, when the time came, I let him go.

So, when I got used to the idea of letting go, today I began really cleaning things out. I weeded out my contacts lists, dropping people I donapos;t have contact with anymore. I deleted the email that Chris wrote me two years ago the day before he left for Florida. Tempted to read it one last time, just the subject line was enough "Iapos;m already missing you".

And as I sit here, Iapos;m leaking tears, but I couldnapos;t tell you exactly what feeling is bringing them up. I can just tell you that 2008 isnapos;t the enemy...that once I decided to own my destiny and have more control 2008 became very accomodating.
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