The end of the relationship....not as hard as I had pictured, but little things still surprise me. Packing up Maggieapos;s bed and blankets and toys...carefully folding the small quilts we bought the day we adopted her. Separating the pets hits home a little too hard, and knowledge of losing more than one companion throbs just below the surface.
Did a lot of sorting and organizing on my own today. Finding more and more things of his, making piles and filling luggage. Checking in the dusty corners and closets of my life, looking for ghosts to clean out.
As far as the move to Florida, itapos;s on. Things have been put into motion, landlords have been called, arrangements are being made.
This town always looks like it just got a fresh coat of paint once you realize youapos;re leaving. Some of the weight has lifted off of my chest in the past couple of days, and I feel less like Iapos;m drowning and more like Iapos;m finally moving forward. It will be difficult, being alone so much, but there are perks. I know there are.
And in the end, I have no regrets. I loved him with all my heart and supported him with all of my strength...and, when the time came, I let him go.
So, when I got used to the idea of letting go, today I began really cleaning things out. I weeded out my contacts lists, dropping people I donapos;t have contact with anymore. I deleted the email that Chris wrote me two years ago the day before he left for Florida. Tempted to read it one last time, just the subject line was enough "Iapos;m already missing you".
And as I sit here, Iapos;m leaking tears, but I couldnapos;t tell you exactly what feeling is bringing them up. I can just tell you that 2008 isnapos;t the enemy...that once I decided to own my destiny and have more control 2008 became very accomodating.
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